I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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