I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
