if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
