Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
