If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
