I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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