for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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