i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
