if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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