he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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