as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
