i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
