And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
