You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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