16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
