I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
