Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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