This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
