Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
