he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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