I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
