He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
