M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
