Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
