Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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