i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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