I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
