If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
