so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
