It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
