I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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