We're facebook friends in real life
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize