that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
