Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
