That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
