I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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