Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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