Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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