There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
