im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize