the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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