I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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