At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
