this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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