I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize