Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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