Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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