it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
im on a boat
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