Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
