pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
