i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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