I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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