i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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