So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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