in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
