I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
