I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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