It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A+ Viking dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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