when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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