It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize