I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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