I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
