I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
