I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
should my penis look like a turkey
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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