So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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