ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
