I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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