ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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