It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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