Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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