I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
