He is an equal opportunity slut.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
