Your tits are I can't wait for
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
