I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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