Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
